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17 December 2007 @ 11:26 am

Take this test!

Holiday parties and gift giving are great, but you honor the true meaning of Christmas, too. Tradition is probably important to you — whether you find it in religion or in your family's annual rites of passage. In fact, it's your spiritual center that might direct your social calendar — making sure you never miss the annual pageant, make the time to spend with loved ones, or just set some moments aside to enjoy that feel-good holiday cheer. These are the sorts of things that take precedence for you during the season.

Sure you like a good gift and love the feeling of giving someone the perfect present. But let everyone else work up a sweat at the shopping malls. You're working on quality time with those who mean the most. And if you keep at it, that lesson will probably rub off on those around you. So if loved ones need a gentle reminder of what the holidays are really about, why not share your theme song with them? Whether you're tied to its message or not, its gentle, powerful, "O holy night, the stars are brightly shining… " is sure to get them where it counts.

06 December 2007 @ 01:48 pm
At age 4, success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12, success is . . . having friends.
At age 17, success is . . having a driver's license.
At age 35, success is . having money.
At age 50, success is . . having money.
At age 70, success is . ... . having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is . . . having friends.
At age 80, success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
06 December 2007 @ 01:46 pm
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
05 December 2007 @ 02:02 pm

nicked from my flist
26 November 2007 @ 02:03 pm

Which Slash Cliche Are You?

You are Orlando. a.k.a. Angel. Elf Boy. Orli. Embarrassingly inept in every aspect of social, physical, mental, and emotional day to day living, you are overly feminine, clingy, sexually repressed, obsessive, and just downright annoying. Come on and grow a pair already!
Take this quiz!

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17 November 2007 @ 11:07 pm

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

08 November 2007 @ 01:22 pm
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a
most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A
long, black hearse was followed by a second long, black hearse and behind the
second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind
her were 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't contain her curiosity. She respectfully approached
the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss and I
know now is a bad time to disturb you you but I've never seen a funeral
like this. Whose funeral is it?"

The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."

"What happened to him?"

"My dog attacked and killed him."

"Well who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my
husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant moment of silence passed between the two women.

"May I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."
08 November 2007 @ 10:56 am
"Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams

"You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither." Steve Martin

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." Tom Clancy

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your changes for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." Roseanne

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (former First Lady)

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro

"Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place." Billy Crystal

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams
05 October 2007 @ 12:57 pm
Dear Madam:

Thank you for your recent order from our adult toys webiste, Literotica.

You've requested the large red vibrator as featured on our wall display.

Please select another item from our extensive offerings -- that's our fire extinguisher.

Yours truly,

The Customer Service Team at Literotica.